Gatorade Flavors: A Thoughful Analysis
I think it has come time for me to do some Gatorade flavor reviews. Why would I do this? Am I an athlete who has valuable insight on the many drinks associated with hydration? No, I don't do shit all day, but I still love Gatorade. Gatorade has a shitload of god damn flavors. Only few really matter though. I only drink three groups of their drinks, the original flavors, the frost flavors, and the rain flavors. All the rest are stupid and unnecessary, and even the three groups I like are arguably unnecessary.
Ok so I guess Gatorade's website calls the original flavors lemon lime but don't be fooled, fruit punch and orange are considered original flavors as well. So let's start with original flavors.
LEMON-LIME: This one is hard to argue, lemon lime is the original gangsta of Gatorade. Not only is it the original, but it is damn fuckin good. The flavor is pretty strong compared to many other flavors, but since it rules that's cool. As good as lemon lime is though, it doesn't compare to the other originals when I am really thirsty and sweaty, but to it's credit I usually prefer lemon lime in a more casual drinking situation. 8/10.
FRUIT PUNCH: Fruit punch pretty much rules across the board with drink companies. Gatorade is no different. The fruit punch flavor fits in well as an original. It still has that trademark Gatorade flavor as well as fruit punch flavor so it kicks some ass. My only gripe with fruit punch is that it tastes worse than any of the other flavors warm, but they all suck warm so whatever. It can really hit the spot and the flavor is strong like lemon lime. 8/10.
ORANGE: Orange is the best original flavor. It's flavor isn't as strong, but it gives it a more quenching sensation when you are fucking thirsty. Gatorade should be judged by how well it tastes when you are thirsty as fucking all hell, and orange is the best one. Not only is it super damn good when you are parched, but it is a close rival to lemon lime as the casual gatorade drink of choice. 9/10.
Ok so basically the three original flavors kick ass, and it was hard to really pick a favorite. The same is not true for the other groups I wish to investigate, the frost and the rain. Let's start with the frost ones.
GLACIER FREEZE: Ok when you look past the ridiculous name, you see that this gatorade flavor is a light blue color. Intruiged? Well you should be because it's the best frost flavor. Some people say save the best for last, well fuck that. Glacier freeze is so bad ass that it transcends the retarded Gatorade marketing scheme and actually becomes appealing because of it's awesome flavor. It truly captures the essense of Gatorade frost. 9/10.
CASCADE CRASH: This one is a much deeper blue and has an even more ridiculous name. Too bad it isn't nearly as good as glacier freeze. This wannabe falls short of Gatorade greatness. That isn't to say that it's not very good, it's pretty good, but it just can't hang with the big boys of flavor. I would still prefer this flavor to any of the other bullshit failure flavors that Gatorade has forced down the throats of us all. It definitely has a blue flavor, but it's just a little off. 6.5/10.
RIPTIDE RUSH: This is the purple flavor of the frost series. It sucks. It doesn't taste good, has a funky aftertaste, isn't even a good thirst quencher, and leaves me even more unsatisfied than before I opened it (which is a metaphor for my first sexual encounter). My advice is to stay away from the purple one, because not only is purple gay, it tastes crappy too. I only drink these when the other choice is water. 3/10.
Ok so the frost flavors are much more disappointing as a whole. Now for the Rain flavors.
TANGERINE: This is the worst representation of orange that Gatorade has put out on the market. The unique taste of the rain series is butchered with the tangerine flavor. It doesn't taste good, it's like "Meh," in your mouth. It's pretty much a disappointment on several different levels. Still better than the riptide rush flavor though. 4/10.
LIME: The lime version of rain is actually pretty decent albeit deceptive. They sneak lime in there making you think it's going to be in the spirit of the classic lemon lime original flavor, but it's not nearly as solid. But with all that said, it is still a decent flavor and on par with the other decent flavors in the Gatorade lineup. Best when served super fucking cold, that should be the rain trademark because the rain flavors taste about 3 times better when ice cold. 7/10.
BERRY: Earlier I said that purple tastes crappy, well disregard that when it comes to the rain berry flavor. It may be purple but it doesn't taste like purple. It tastes way better. This is the best rain flavor by far, and when it's ice cold and you are thirsty as shit, it's arguably the best flavor. However when taken out of that context, it fails to deliver like the original flavors and glacier freeze. Still an all around good flavor. 7.5/10.
All the other flavors aren't worth my time. Gatorade has a countless number of drink flavors. Honestly, they could just put out the original flavors and still kick vast amounts of ass.