Europe: A Historical Pile of Shit


Europe sucks. It's jam packed with shitty countries all with shitty streets, shitty cities, shitty sewage systems (lol), and shitty people.

Europeans must love the smell of shit because no matter where you go it smells like shit, especially if you go up to a European. You'd think hygiene would be more important to them, but they'd rather shit their pants than take a bath. If you want to get around in Europe you have to take public transportation which is full of Europeans that smell like shit. Why not drive you say? Well it might have something to do with their roads, which were made in the early 17th Century for horses. In order to even get around you have to drive some gay miniature version of a car, but the preferred method of transportation for Europeans that like driving is the moped, or anything gay/scooter related. It's because then they can shit their pants and not worry about having to roll the windows down. They also like mopeds because it makes them look gay. The preferred moped apparel is a skin tight muscle tee and skin tight spandex bike shorts (interchangable with skin tight polyester pants).

I am not discussing any Eastern European countries because they are normally judged by how many of their people starved that year, the less people that die, the better country you are. Normally this correlates directly with how much shit they eat, so the more shit that these countries eat, the better off they are.

That being said I will attempt to rate some select Western European countries by rank of shittiness. The countries I have selected to investigate are without a doubt some of the worst of all the shit eating Europeans.


England/Ireland/Scotland:

I'm lumping these together because combined these countries make a trifecta of the ugliest motherfuckers around. England can at least take pride in the fact that their version of English is somewhat comprehendable, something that the Irish and Scottish cannot claim. England sucks though, the people there all think that they can make up for their grotesque physical appearance by "sounding" eloquent. What the fuck kind of society do we live in when there are stereotypes about English people being intellectual? Just because England shows more crappy ass boring documentaries on TV than America? Fuck that I don't want to learn about shit, just entertain me fuckers. The only people that are uglier than the abomination known as British people, are the Scottish and Irish. Scotland can take some pride in the face that they have some good movies about them.

Braveheart is their claim to fame. But when you think about what is really happening in the movie, it just works to make Scotland look even shittier. They had absolutely no power back in the day, at least England could kill some mother fuckers. As far as movies go, Trainspotting was cool too, but only works to perpetuate negative stereotypes about Scottish people. The main character even fuckin' moves to England to try having a better life. Ireland, well, I've already said my peace about them here.

Ranks: Shitty - England, Shittier - Scotland, and Shittiest - Ireland.


France/Italy/Spain:

These get lumped together because they are crappy ass romance languages, honestly I don't see the romance in smelling like shit all the time but that's just me. What about Portugal? Are you kidding me? It's Spain version 2, so they get lumped in with that (the Acores are excluded entirely from this discussion). It would normally seem pretty obvious for any American to put France as the shittiest out of these, but hold on a second. France is full of douches but so is Spain. At least France thinks it has some authority in the world even though they like shitting most of all, but my point is that no one gives a rat's ass about Spain. The last time anyone did was probably in the 1500's. They even failed to register as a threat when they aligned with the Axis in World War II. They really don't give a crap either, they are too busy eating dinner all night and shitting their pants at the dinner table. They also have the unfortunate legacy of Mexico, the butthole of North America. Italy loses points for being the native land of guidos, if you aren't familiar with these faggots then check this shit out (found doing a google image search for "guido", try it out, it's scary):

Italy does have the legacy of Mussolini however, and also the legacy of dragging his corpse through the city because of how pissed off they were, so it kind of evens out I guess. Italy has the Vatican, whether that makes it a shittier country or not is up for debate. On one hand the Catholic Church is one of the most powerful institutions in the world notorious for its domination of Muslims, but on the other hand the Catholic Church is losing a lot of members and is recently notorious for its domination of young boys. Speaking of molesting children, the French are the worst. They don't call it molesting children though they call it making love to children, because they are little Frenchy Frenchy Poo Poos. Looking at France, it's easy to be pissed off with their shit stained diapers and lame ass, faggy berets. What kind of language makes you say "Wee Wee" like a little fairy? French. It might help explain their obsession with phallic objects in their buttholes. Just as Spain loses points for being sidelined in WWII, France loses even more points for getting buttfucked by the Nazis.

Ranks: Shitty - Spain, Shittier - Italy, Shittiest - France


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